I'm oddly happy. Don't really know why. I had a relatively good Christmas Eve. I thought it was gonna be a make or break thing in terms of happiness. Don't ask why. But I thought that I would either be feeling really upset or really happy for Christmas. And that didn't happen. I'm kinda content. I can't really explain it...
Anyway... Just thought I'd say that. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Sunday, 21 December 2008
What's going wrong...?
Right, basically I feel like my life isn't going very well at the moment. And I know that it could be going a lot worse. I know that in perspective my problems are pretty pathetic, but still, they're pretty annoying and I wish they weren't happening. Friendships seem to be dwindling and I can't seem to do anything right in that respect. I want to be there for my friends and I do try to, but sometimes stuff goes wrong and maybe it doesn't seem like I care as much as I do, or maybe I say the wrong thing. I dunno... Yeah that's pretty much it really. It just doesn't really show signs of improving... And I really hope that it does.
Woo let's hope the next post is more happy...
Woo let's hope the next post is more happy...
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Hmmm...
Yeah, I couldn't think of a name for this blog. So what?
A lot of stuff's happened recently... My computer broke, so I couldn't do French coursework, German work or my Art contextual study. I'm borrowing a laptop at the moment, but it doesn't have Word or OpenOffice or any other kind of word processor... good one.
We had our Winter concert recently, which was good. It's the last concert that the Senior Orchestra will be performing in this year (although some people may be playing Rhapsody in Blue in the summer), so that was kinda sad. But I really enjoyed it.
Then this Friday I went on a German trip to Cologne. We stayed there for three days and it was really good fun, as we all knew it would be. The places were good, and the activities were fun, but it was the people who really completed it, just like last year. They made it what it was, cos it's a social thing really. So again, I've made more friends and there are loads of private jokes and it's all pretty awesome.
Then on Monday I went up to Cambridge for my interviews. There were 7 people applying for straight MML (as opposed to Education with MML); of those 5 were doing French and Spanish, and 2 (including me) French and German. They all seemed really nice, although I didn't talk to any of them that much... Which is probably why it was a bit boring. I went from a trip where I had loads of friends and we could already joke around to having no one I knew and not really joking much at all. Bit weird.
The written test was first: an English text that you have to answer questions about (and basically summarise) in another language. It was the specimen off the website! So I'd seen it before. But I'd never really looked at it in any great detail... I'd meant to do it as a kind of 'mock' but I never did. But no one else had really looked at it either, so everyone was kinda kicking themselves afterwards. But I think that went well - I'm generally quite good at writing cos I can spend a long time checking and thinking and things, and I'm pretty sure all my grammar was right and stuff... I answered in German, by the way. But yeah, pretty well I think.
The first interview was in French. That wasn't anywhere near as good. The text that I had to read and analyse beforehand was hard, and I didn't understand bits of it. So when we had to discuss that, it was quite hard and I said some wrong stuff. We discussed it in French, and a lot of my French was quite stilted... But I've always known that speaking is my worst area of language learning. They collected the text in though, which had all my notes on it, so hopefully they read it and realise that I was better than I actually displayed. The stuff we talked about in English was OK though, and I think I answered all of those questions reasonably well.
The second interview was German and that went a lot better. I'd prayed for a better interview, and an easier text, and that's exactly what I got. I understood almost all of the languages, although the actual story was quite hard to follow in parts. I identified (in German, as we discussed the text in the foreign language again) some archaic language, which they seemed quite impressed about, and I was able to correctly guess that it was from the 19th century. I translated (pretty accurately I think) part of it but I didn't have very good ideas for how the story could continue, and I got the gender of 'Liebespaar' wrong. In English we briefly discussed Kant and Freud, which I kinda blagged as I hadn't studied them in any detail, but I was able to say a bit of good stuff about their ideas nonetheless. So overall the German interview was a lot better than the French, but still not great.
I don't know how it went overall. Sometimes I feel that I could have got in, but most of the time I feel like I haven't got in. That would really annoy me, cos I want to go there so much. But I'll just have to wait and see...
Erm then the Carol Service today. I loved it. I always enjoy the Carol Services, cos I love singing Christmas carols. I sang all the tenor parts, and the descants (of which I could reach every note cos my vocal cords were really warm :-D). Awesomeness. I had to read the fifth lesson too, which went well.
Tomorrow there's Prizegiving, for which I have to organise prefects and give the vote of thanks. I have to write that now... I'll let you know how that goes. And then the Corps of Drums Christmas Dinner, at which I have to give a speech about the past year. I'll write that tomorrow, after Prizegiving. Charles Aldridge is the new drum major by the way!
But despite all this happiness, I'm feeling pretty empty inside. I know the reason, but I'm not going to tell everyone. There's no point in lying. Sorry :-) x
A lot of stuff's happened recently... My computer broke, so I couldn't do French coursework, German work or my Art contextual study. I'm borrowing a laptop at the moment, but it doesn't have Word or OpenOffice or any other kind of word processor... good one.
We had our Winter concert recently, which was good. It's the last concert that the Senior Orchestra will be performing in this year (although some people may be playing Rhapsody in Blue in the summer), so that was kinda sad. But I really enjoyed it.
Then this Friday I went on a German trip to Cologne. We stayed there for three days and it was really good fun, as we all knew it would be. The places were good, and the activities were fun, but it was the people who really completed it, just like last year. They made it what it was, cos it's a social thing really. So again, I've made more friends and there are loads of private jokes and it's all pretty awesome.
Then on Monday I went up to Cambridge for my interviews. There were 7 people applying for straight MML (as opposed to Education with MML); of those 5 were doing French and Spanish, and 2 (including me) French and German. They all seemed really nice, although I didn't talk to any of them that much... Which is probably why it was a bit boring. I went from a trip where I had loads of friends and we could already joke around to having no one I knew and not really joking much at all. Bit weird.
The written test was first: an English text that you have to answer questions about (and basically summarise) in another language. It was the specimen off the website! So I'd seen it before. But I'd never really looked at it in any great detail... I'd meant to do it as a kind of 'mock' but I never did. But no one else had really looked at it either, so everyone was kinda kicking themselves afterwards. But I think that went well - I'm generally quite good at writing cos I can spend a long time checking and thinking and things, and I'm pretty sure all my grammar was right and stuff... I answered in German, by the way. But yeah, pretty well I think.
The first interview was in French. That wasn't anywhere near as good. The text that I had to read and analyse beforehand was hard, and I didn't understand bits of it. So when we had to discuss that, it was quite hard and I said some wrong stuff. We discussed it in French, and a lot of my French was quite stilted... But I've always known that speaking is my worst area of language learning. They collected the text in though, which had all my notes on it, so hopefully they read it and realise that I was better than I actually displayed. The stuff we talked about in English was OK though, and I think I answered all of those questions reasonably well.
The second interview was German and that went a lot better. I'd prayed for a better interview, and an easier text, and that's exactly what I got. I understood almost all of the languages, although the actual story was quite hard to follow in parts. I identified (in German, as we discussed the text in the foreign language again) some archaic language, which they seemed quite impressed about, and I was able to correctly guess that it was from the 19th century. I translated (pretty accurately I think) part of it but I didn't have very good ideas for how the story could continue, and I got the gender of 'Liebespaar' wrong. In English we briefly discussed Kant and Freud, which I kinda blagged as I hadn't studied them in any detail, but I was able to say a bit of good stuff about their ideas nonetheless. So overall the German interview was a lot better than the French, but still not great.
I don't know how it went overall. Sometimes I feel that I could have got in, but most of the time I feel like I haven't got in. That would really annoy me, cos I want to go there so much. But I'll just have to wait and see...
Erm then the Carol Service today. I loved it. I always enjoy the Carol Services, cos I love singing Christmas carols. I sang all the tenor parts, and the descants (of which I could reach every note cos my vocal cords were really warm :-D). Awesomeness. I had to read the fifth lesson too, which went well.
Tomorrow there's Prizegiving, for which I have to organise prefects and give the vote of thanks. I have to write that now... I'll let you know how that goes. And then the Corps of Drums Christmas Dinner, at which I have to give a speech about the past year. I'll write that tomorrow, after Prizegiving. Charles Aldridge is the new drum major by the way!
But despite all this happiness, I'm feeling pretty empty inside. I know the reason, but I'm not going to tell everyone. There's no point in lying. Sorry :-) x
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
Weirdness...
I know I'm blogging more than I'd originally intended, but I've have a very weird day, and I feel the need to write about it.
I felt really depressed today and I have no idea why. I told one of my friends how I felt, and he laughed (understandably), because I told him that I felt closer to suicide than I ever had before. I'm not saying that I considered suicide, because I didn't. I wouldn't kill myself, because I love life too much and cos I think I'm too wimpy. But still, I felt like I didn't have anything to live for in that moment. And I felt, as I walked out of school, that it might be appropriate to walk in front of a car or something (again, I'm not suicidal, it just felt to me like that wouldn't be too out of place).
I've been quite busy today with various things, and had lots of Head Boy messages about various tasks, and I'm feeling quite weighed down and stressed. Maybe that was the reason for all the stupid thoughts later on...
Yeah then I felt really ill in the evening...
Then I went on MSN and was really mopey to one of my friends I really wanted to talk to, and then I realised that if I stayed mopey then I'd start losing friends. It's not an attractive character trait. That's what I tend to do when I'm upset. I sulk. There have been many parties, etc., where I've sulked quite a lot but refused to talk about it because the people I want to don't ask... so it's just really immature of me. And I do that in lessons sometimes, and on MSN apparently. And a few minutes ago I treated a friend really badly on MSN. I kinda didn't realise that I was doing it, but he let me know straight away and I felt awful. I was just being selfish, which is another character trait I hate.
I bought a Christmas present today. My life seems to be leading towards Christmas. Not in the good way. It seems like the tunnel I described my life as ends at Christmas, and I can go one of two ways out of it... And amazingly, one of them is bad, and one is good (never heard of anything like that, have you?). Here's hoping...
Not a good day, today.
I felt really depressed today and I have no idea why. I told one of my friends how I felt, and he laughed (understandably), because I told him that I felt closer to suicide than I ever had before. I'm not saying that I considered suicide, because I didn't. I wouldn't kill myself, because I love life too much and cos I think I'm too wimpy. But still, I felt like I didn't have anything to live for in that moment. And I felt, as I walked out of school, that it might be appropriate to walk in front of a car or something (again, I'm not suicidal, it just felt to me like that wouldn't be too out of place).
I've been quite busy today with various things, and had lots of Head Boy messages about various tasks, and I'm feeling quite weighed down and stressed. Maybe that was the reason for all the stupid thoughts later on...
Yeah then I felt really ill in the evening...
Then I went on MSN and was really mopey to one of my friends I really wanted to talk to, and then I realised that if I stayed mopey then I'd start losing friends. It's not an attractive character trait. That's what I tend to do when I'm upset. I sulk. There have been many parties, etc., where I've sulked quite a lot but refused to talk about it because the people I want to don't ask... so it's just really immature of me. And I do that in lessons sometimes, and on MSN apparently. And a few minutes ago I treated a friend really badly on MSN. I kinda didn't realise that I was doing it, but he let me know straight away and I felt awful. I was just being selfish, which is another character trait I hate.
I bought a Christmas present today. My life seems to be leading towards Christmas. Not in the good way. It seems like the tunnel I described my life as ends at Christmas, and I can go one of two ways out of it... And amazingly, one of them is bad, and one is good (never heard of anything like that, have you?). Here's hoping...
Not a good day, today.
Monday, 1 December 2008
Don't blame it on the sunshine...
Hello... The name of this post is from one of my friends' screen names... cos the conversation's open and I can see it.
Stuff that's happened since last week... Erm not much really. Well, I got a Cambridge interview on Thursday. It's on the 15th-16th December (yes, two days! Crazy...), and it's at Homerton College (the one I applied to, surprisingly...). I have to do a written test (which I think consists of English question about an English passage of writing that I have to answer in a foreign language), and then I have two interviews (one for French, one for German). I'm really excited. That sounds really weird, but I like a challenge, and I REALLY, REALLY want to go to Cambridge.
Erm... Rosie had a birthday party on Friday, at Pizza Express, which was good... I like Sicilian lemonade :-) and American pizzas. By that, I mean the 'American', from Pizza Express.
I went to see some of my family at the weekend. It was quite cool. I saw my grandparents, my uncle and my great-grandmother (nothing that special to be honest. I really enjoy seeing them, but we see them relatively often), and then we went to Leicester to see my Dad's family... Aunties, uncles and cousins... Pretty good.
I started my French coursework... Stuff like that. I don't really have stuff to say. I'll go now...
Stuff that's happened since last week... Erm not much really. Well, I got a Cambridge interview on Thursday. It's on the 15th-16th December (yes, two days! Crazy...), and it's at Homerton College (the one I applied to, surprisingly...). I have to do a written test (which I think consists of English question about an English passage of writing that I have to answer in a foreign language), and then I have two interviews (one for French, one for German). I'm really excited. That sounds really weird, but I like a challenge, and I REALLY, REALLY want to go to Cambridge.
Erm... Rosie had a birthday party on Friday, at Pizza Express, which was good... I like Sicilian lemonade :-) and American pizzas. By that, I mean the 'American', from Pizza Express.
I went to see some of my family at the weekend. It was quite cool. I saw my grandparents, my uncle and my great-grandmother (nothing that special to be honest. I really enjoy seeing them, but we see them relatively often), and then we went to Leicester to see my Dad's family... Aunties, uncles and cousins... Pretty good.
I started my French coursework... Stuff like that. I don't really have stuff to say. I'll go now...
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