I know I'm blogging more than I'd originally intended, but I've have a very weird day, and I feel the need to write about it.
I felt really depressed today and I have no idea why. I told one of my friends how I felt, and he laughed (understandably), because I told him that I felt closer to suicide than I ever had before. I'm not saying that I considered suicide, because I didn't. I wouldn't kill myself, because I love life too much and cos I think I'm too wimpy. But still, I felt like I didn't have anything to live for in that moment. And I felt, as I walked out of school, that it might be appropriate to walk in front of a car or something (again, I'm not suicidal, it just felt to me like that wouldn't be too out of place).
I've been quite busy today with various things, and had lots of Head Boy messages about various tasks, and I'm feeling quite weighed down and stressed. Maybe that was the reason for all the stupid thoughts later on...
Yeah then I felt really ill in the evening...
Then I went on MSN and was really mopey to one of my friends I really wanted to talk to, and then I realised that if I stayed mopey then I'd start losing friends. It's not an attractive character trait. That's what I tend to do when I'm upset. I sulk. There have been many parties, etc., where I've sulked quite a lot but refused to talk about it because the people I want to don't ask... so it's just really immature of me. And I do that in lessons sometimes, and on MSN apparently. And a few minutes ago I treated a friend really badly on MSN. I kinda didn't realise that I was doing it, but he let me know straight away and I felt awful. I was just being selfish, which is another character trait I hate.
I bought a Christmas present today. My life seems to be leading towards Christmas. Not in the good way. It seems like the tunnel I described my life as ends at Christmas, and I can go one of two ways out of it... And amazingly, one of them is bad, and one is good (never heard of anything like that, have you?). Here's hoping...
Not a good day, today.
3 comments:
aww, mate, if i'd known you were having such a crap day i'd have tried to cheer u up by doing something stupid or saying something funny (or just being myself, as those to things usually happen by accident)...
hope ur feeling better now :)
oh, and dont kill yourself... i'd miss you too much :p
damn, theres a BLATANT grammatical spelling mistake there...sorry
oh yh, i remember now what i wanted to say... it's nice to see that you're blogging again :)
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