Well, I realised today (and yesterday evening) that I'm not quite as chirpy and not bothered and je-m'en-foute-y about Cambridge as I thought. I go through phases of not caring much and thinking that I have a whole year now, where I can really prepare. But I also go through phases (I had a fair few today) of feeling very bad. I really wanted to go to Cambridge. I seemed to want to go more than anyone else I knew (although I can't know that for sure) and although the blow was lessened slightly by a lot of my friends getting rejected too (rejection buddies!), it was still a bummer. Quite an extreme one. It wasn't made any easier by all the people who told me time and time again, "You'll get into Cambridge", "If you don't, who will?" and "I know you're gonna go to Cambridge." I tried to tell them... Ahhh but I'm not blaming them. Just don't say it next time, OK? It just kinda sucks. I never wanted to take a gap year. I don't want to doss for a year but I can't really be bothered to do anything worthwhile. I'm gonna take a year off anyway as part of my degree (you do with languages), so it feels like a waste. I'm gonna be older than most of the students in my year, and if I do get into Cambridge next year, part of me is gonna end up resenting the year above slightly - especially the linguists. Yeah... basically a gap year is far from ideal, but I wanna go to Cambridge quite a lot.
So... yeah as I've said, I'm not always like this, but it varies. At times, it's been really good. Cos so many people got rejected from school, there's a really friendly atmosphere. I can hardly walk down a corridor without having a Cambridge rejects hug with someone.
At some point I need to sort out my gap year too. I'll probably go and work in France during the summer (South, methinks) and then go and hang in Germany for a bit (while working some more). Hmm I don't really wanna talk about it any more. Carpe diem and all that.
2 comments:
I can identify with a lot of this post - mainly because I would be one of the Oxbridge rejection huggers if I was at KEGS - but also because of the feelings you said. I think people have said it more to you (because more people expected you to get in) but they told us at interview that it might be hard to hear and I don't think people really prepared properly for it.
I am actually quite pleased for the people that got in, but I'm also glad that it isn't just me. Is that selfish? Yeah, I think so.
I'll admit to being one of those terrible people that kept trying to instill confidence in you and now I realise that quite clearly that didn't help. (I can actually remember saying all three quotations...)
So I'm sorry for that (in was a 2008 thing, now we're in 2009 the new and improved me won't be saying it)
I'm really really sorry you didn't get in, of course I don't know exactly how you feel because I haven't yet been through all this, but I know what it's like not to get something that you really really want, and it sucks.
However, I'm worried for you because what happens if you don't get in next year? Surely it will be even worse than this year, so is Cambridge really really worth a year's wait and still no guarantee of success... Only you will know the answer
Hope it all gets better soon though :)
man love, as always. xxx
(i had written this last night, but mr internet was swtiched off before i could post it...)
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